Author L.L. McKinney is a young adult writer and certified nerdy gamer with a deep and abiding love for science fiction and fantasy. One her passions includes the J.K. Rowling’s magical world of Harry Potter, and all the olde-worlde tech and mystical shortcuts it contains.
Imagining herself as a Hogwarts student (and assigned to Gryffindor by the Sorting Hat, of course), McKinney found she may get into a spot of bother by pointing out some illogical practises the school implements. Why use parchment when a spiral notebook is far more practical? Since when is a quill better than an actual pen? Why did the students have to revert to such old fashioned techniques just because they’re at a magical school?
Although written with humour and a tongue set firmly in cheek, the author does have some excellent points…
L.L. McKinney at her book launch in 2018
I would've gotten suspended from Hogwarts. Repeatedly. And possibly expelled.
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 4 January 2019
"Miss McKinney, what's that in your hand?"
"A pen."
"Where's your quill?"
"I don't have one."
"Why not?"
"Because it's 1991."
"......ten points from Gryffindor."
"Miss McKinney, what's that in your hand?"
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 4 January 2019
"A flashlight."
"Where's your lantern?"
"Do you hear yourself?"
".....15 points from Gryffindor."
*sigh* "Miss McKinney..."
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 4 January 2019
"Sir?"
"What's that in your hand?"
"A spiral notebook."
"Where's your parchment?"
"....what is parchment?"
*siiiiiiiiigh*
"............................Miss McKinney."
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 4 January 2019
"Yes'm?"
"What's that in your hand?"
"....you never seen a backpack before?"
"Go to the headmaster's office!!!"
"I'm just surprised, y'all got three headed dogs and flying Swiffers, but a backpack throws you off."
"Miss McKinney."
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 4 January 2019
"Mmm?"
"You're late."
"I know."
"That's the 2nd time this week, and the 5th time this month."
"Well, maybe if y'all let a girl have a hair dryer, I wouldn't have to sit by the fire for 2 hours. I'm not walking around Castle Dracula with a wet head."
"....."
"Miss McKinney."
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 4 January 2019
"What?"
"A number of students claim to witness you pouring some sort of potion over your meals. I'm certain you don't have permission for whatever it is."
"Huh??"
"A red potion?"
"Oh, that's hot sauce. All this magic and y'all can't conjure SEASONED food..."
"Any questions?"
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 4 January 2019
*Raises hand*
"....yes, Miss McKinney?"
"Why come y'all don't use electricity? Or develop a magical equivalent?"
"Excuse me?"
"I mean, the muggles put a man on the moon, but y'all still using choo choos and buggies. And I wanna listen to music."
*SIIIIIIGH*
"Miss McKinney."
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 4 January 2019
"Uh huh?"
"You didn't finish your homework assignment."
"Which one?"
"For Care of Magical Creatures?"
"Oh, right. Yeah, no, that book got teeth. Not going near that."
"But you--"
"Sharp teeth."
"...30 points from Gryffindor."
"Miss McKinney."
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 4 January 2019
"Mm?"
"For the last time, PLEASE mount your broom."
"Mmmmmnope."
"Why not?"
"Not about to get me up in the air so I can fall and break my neck. Do you see that broom? Do you see my butt? This is a no win situation."
"Merlin's beard... *exasperated*"
"Miss McKinney, do you have any ideas why our letters to your parents continue to return unopened, or not at all?"
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 4 January 2019
"Because my momma said one of them damn birds got one time to shit in her house."
".....I....."
"What? Y'all the ones who haven't managed email."
"Just...go."
"Miss McKinney, your turn to present on why Muggles Need Electricity."
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 4 January 2019
"Ahem. Ahem. The reason I believe Muggles Need Electricity is because magic sucks at a lot of things."
"Get out...."
"Miss McKinney."
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 6 January 2019
"Uh huh?"
"You've decided to drop Divination?"
"That's right."
"Can I ask why?"
"I don't mess with the spirits."
"What?"
"Noooo. No sir. I leave that to the professionals."
"That's not--"
"Not gone have the ancestors mad at ME over a pop quiz."
"Miss McKinney!"
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 6 January 2019
"Hi!"
"Where on earth have you been!? You were gone for three weeks!"
"Oh, yeah, I went home."
"What!?"
"Y'all had dementors up in here, so my mom said meet her at Hogsmeade and we bounced. She's waiting in your office, by the way."
"................."
"Miss McKinney, please join your classmates in the greenhouse."
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 6 January 2019
"Oh, no sir. Can't do that."
"And why not?"
"Y'all got plants that eat you, squeeze you, beat the mess outta you, and kill you if you hear them scream. I'm good, Seymore."
"What??"
"Nothing."
"You had a question, Miss McKinney?"
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 6 January 2019
"Why didn't they arrest all the Death Eaters?"
"Some claimed to have been mind controlled."
"How you know they not lying?"
"It's...complicated."
"Well, I was mind controlled when I failed that test."
"I doubt-"
"Where am I? Who're you?"
"Miss McKinney. While the incident in question is not use of a true unforgivable, this is not a laughing matter. Do refrain from using the 'spell' in the future."
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 7 January 2019
"What spell?"
"..."
"IDK what you mean."
"..."
"If I had some clarity..."
"...avada kedeeze nuts."
"AHAHAHA!!"
"Any questions?"
— LL McKinney is on (partial) hiatus (@ElleOnWords) 6 January 2019
*Raises hand*
"Yes, Miss McKinney?"
"How many times can you cast that spell before a long rest?"
"You...don't need to rest in order to cast it."
"So it's a cantrip!"
"..."
"But is it an action or a bonus action?"
"Why are you like this?"
"Insight check."
Buy L.L McKinney’s A Blade So Black here:
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