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How Losing My Reading Buddy has Affected My Reading

By May 12, 2016Reading Habits

The Worst Reading Rut of All Time

Many, many years ago when I was 22, a dog came into my life, a neglected pointer/lab cross just ten months old, thin as a rake and nervous as anything. She had been named Shadow by her previous owner because of her black coat, a name that became truly prophetic to the dog who was my shadow, my best friend and reading companion for the next 17 years.

In truth ‘Nana’ was one of her many nicknames taken from the dog in Peter Pan, and she made the perfect sitter for my children growing up, always looking out for them and looking after them.  I can honestly say that if I had built a family dog from the ground up then that dog probably wouldn’t have been as good as Shadow because I could never have imagined that a dog could be so wonderful.

For 17 years she’s been there at every moment. From fun holidays, to the trials that broadside us, Shadow would always know exactly what was expected of her, and rise wonderfully to the occasion whether that be swimming out in the sea to look after the children, or sitting with her head in my lap while I cried after one of my many miscarriages. However I still believe her favourite thing to do was to see me pick up a book, where she would leap from wherever she was and lie beside me with her head in my lap waiting for me to start stroking her ears.

As over the last couple of years Shadow’s healthy began to fail, we would often imagine as a family the ways we were going to miss her. She was 11 when her eyesight started to fail, but she carried on unwavered, at 14 I realised she had completely lost her hearing, but she plodded on all the same. Slowly the walks got shorter, and I more than anyone missed our daily 5 mile hikes. I didn’t worry too much, she was always happy enough and still made us happy too, always fulfilling her job, following everyone around and keeping tabs. At 15 the senility started, and slowly her back legs would become weaker and weaker, over the next two years I would find myself helping her more and more, with the stairs, getting into the car, onto the bed, but still she plodded on.

As Easter approached this year it became clear that just taking a short walk was becoming too much, leaving me to make the most difficult decision of them all. Feeling that peace and rest were the very least she deserved, we spent a final weekend of fun that started on Good Friday and continued all weekend. A beach trip ensued, worth it despite me having to carry her back to the car. I spent the evenings reading with her in her favourite place, her head in my lap as I absent-mindedly stroked her ears. We ate chocolate and sausages and all the things that we’ve avoided giving her and completed the weekend with a very short walk in the woods before a final visit to our vet.



We’re a month on now, and all the ways I imagined we would miss her have come true. However, the loss has hit me in a way I hadn’t expected, I am in the worst reading rut I have ever been in in my entire life. I haven’t finished a single book in a whole month! On my bedside is a stack of books, all started, none finished. Working my way up the pile I am 57 pages into Child 44, I am 5 chapters into The Night Circus, I am 12 pages into Inkdeath, I am 91 pages into Beloved, 15 pages into Shantaram, and I threw the Alchemist off the bed after 6 pages last night. I am broken, and I’m hoping that writing all this down will help to fix me (so apologies for the more doggish than bookish blog, but this is the best place to find my voice). I just cannot sit down to read, I am restless, something is missing, and I cannot replicate it or put it out of my mind for long enough to get lost in a book.

Reading Addicts, I need your help, I need to read! I knew that losing my best friend was going to break my heart, but I never imagined it would ruin my enjoyment of my favourite pastime too.



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2 Comments

  • Kate, I so feel for you. I lost my reading buddy – nearly 12 year old Alfie Spaniel – a week ago today. I miss him so much.

    In my case I reached for my comfort blanket of a book “The Master and Margarita”, it’s the only book I can read at the moment. I find that I’m easily distracted, not least because I keep feeling I hear the dog in the house, so little chunks of books seems to work better than my usual voracious reading. Tribute to Alfie Spaniel is on my blog (book posts that come after his death were all actually read before) : http://the-bookhound.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/loss.html.

    Big hugs to you.

  • Roberta Kerstetter says:

    This was beautifully written and made me cry. When the time is right, look for a new dog. It will never replace your precious Nana but it can bring you joy and companionship in its own way.

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