Of course any literary addict is well aware of how languages are created, but many of them have gone through so much evolution, and so many changes they don’t always make sense. It’s said that English is the hardest language in the world to learn, but years and contact with other languages has taught me that this is probably far from true.
Last night I found my imagination running away with me, imagining a committee sitting around deciding what each language should offer, and the best ways to make it difficult for those using it. My languages committee is a cantankerous lot so I thought I’d share some of the minutes of their meetings with you.
English Language Committee Minutes:
Let’s make vowels sound different depending on the word they are in with no rhyme or reason.
I think we should make the meaning of the word vary depending on the speaker’s social status, or the country that they speak English from.
It’s essential that we make rules with so many exceptions they make no sense.
Let’s make some words sound the same, even though they are spelled differently and mean different things so no one knows what they mean until they’re used in a sentence.
French Language Committee Minutes:
Let’s put in loads of letters that won’t be read, it’ll make the words longer and make us feel more clever.
Let’s put an x on the end of things to make them plural, but then not pronounce it.
Just rest that baguette over that a… Yep, just like that.
Italian Language Committee Minutes:
I vote we make all the words end in vowels.
It should be essential to use your hands to speak as well as your mouth. It’s hot out there and hand waving may keep the temperatures down.
Spanish Language Committee Minutes:
That guy from the Italian Language Committee stole my wife, let’s screw up their language.
German Language Committee Minutes:
It’s essential that all words should be said as quickly as possible.
Instead of spaces, let’s push all the words together, it’ll take up less space on the page.
Let’s ensure we make the language as little like Germanic as possible.
We need more consonants!
We hope you enjoyed our tongue in cheek guide about how languages were created, and long may they continue to puzzle and challenge us.