Sherlock will be back amongst us soon. Benedict Cumberbatch will launch his cheekbones back in time for a Christmas special of the Cardiff-made reboot of the greatest fictional detective to ever deer-stalk the fictional earth.
I very much enjoy Sherlock. I thought I might not. I’m a real fanatic for the original stories, and was quite prepared to sit whining, arms crossed and annoyed, before hurling my scale model of the Reichenbach Falls (I’m not weird. You have one, right?) at the screen in despair.
But no, the modern version of Sherlock might have an iPhone glued to his palm, but the series has been made with such reverence for the 56 short stories and four novels that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote between 1887 and 1927, that you’d have to be a very tetchy Sherlockian to take offence.
One of the delights of the series for the obsessive fan (and there seem to be quite a lot of us) are the occasional direct quotations from the stories that accompany the many references the writers chuck in.
And Sherlock Holmes gave a very good quote.
Here are my 10 favourite Holmes lines.
1 – “Our highest assurance of the goodness of Providence seems to me to rest in the flowers. All other things, our powers, our desires, our food, are all really necessary for our existence in the first instance. But this rose is an extra.”
Religion doesn’t come up that often in Sherlock Holmes, but it’s a source of dispute amongst fans, many of whom, you suspect, would like Holmes to be an atheist. Despite his dedication to rationalism, our detective recalls attending chapel at college and makes a reference to a terminally-ill murderer facing a “higher court.” This line, from The Adventure of the Naval Treaty, also suggests a belief in some sort of higher power. I just like the idea of Holmes – “a calculating machine” – pausing to smell the flowers.
The Adventure of the Naval Treaty, from The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes
2 – “It is quite a three pipe problem, and I beg that you won’t speak to me for fifty minutes.”
Yes, the original “three pipe problem,” was The Red-Headed League, generally regarded as one of the best stories in the collection. It also took a walk to the scene of the proposed crime to look at some trousers, and a quick classical music concert to complete the process, but Holmes’ pipes did their job and a notable villain is bagged in the act.
The Red-Headed League from The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.
3 – “It is my belief, Watson, founded upon my experience that the lowest and vilest alleys in London do not present a more dreadful record of sin than does the smiling and beautiful countryside.”
On his way to save Violet Hunter from her terrible fate at The Copper Beeches, Holmes sees horror in the isolated homesteads that Watson so admires. While very much a creature of London (“that great cesspool”), Holmes and Watson do regularly venture into these dangerous rural lands, most famously when the Hound of the Baskervilles tempts them to Dartmoor, but also in The Boscombe Valley Mystery, The Adventure of the Reigate Squire, and The Adventure of Silver Blaze among others.
The Adventure of the Copper Beeches from The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.
4 – “If you had killed Watson, you would not have got out of this room alive.”
This rare display of emotion from Holmes moves Watson (“a great heart as well as a great brain”), who has to put up with a lot from his companion. The Adventure of the Three Garridebs is not, by a long chalk, one of the best of the stories, but Holmes’ display of love and then anger when Watson is shot by Killer Evans (yes, he’s a bad guy) is well worth the entrance fee.
The Adventure of the Three Garridebs from The Case Book of Sherlock Holmes.
5 – “You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.”
There’s a healthy side industry in dealing with Holmes’ untold stories – Vanderbilt and the Yeggman anyone? The case of the Abernettys, alluded to in The Adventure of the Six Napoleons, though has always particularly intrigued me. Just what did Holmes deduce from the parsley, and how?
The Adventure of the Six Napoleons from The Return of Sherlock Holmes.
6 – “Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones.”
Oh dear! Professor Presbury’s been at the monkey glands again! Holmes reveals one of the great truths of life as he tries to straighten out The Adventure of the Creeping Man, one of my favourites among the later stories. Presbury’s dog, Roy, has started going for him, but why? Dogs are a rich vein in the Holmes stories, the most famous now must be the dog who curiously didn’t bark in the night-time (from The Adventure of Silver Blaze), inspiring Mark Haddon’s much-loved tale of a boy with Asperger syndrome.
The Adventure of the Creeping Man from The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes.
7 – “Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent.”
Some more truth from Holmes in A Case of Identity. Watson begs to differ, but is forced to concede the point when the seemingly bog-standard divorce case he points out in the paper turns out to have been one triggered by a husband’s habit of throwing his false teeth at his wife at the end of every meal.
A Case of Identity from The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.
8 – “I would not tell them too much. Women are never to be entirely trusted,—not the best of them.”
Holmes is a misogynist. I don’t see much point in arguing over it – although people do – it’s stated plainly and often enough. I find this interesting, and a little troubling, though I remain a convinced fan. Would an avowedly racist character have survived into Holmes’ modern popularity? It seems harder to imagine. I have my theories as to why Holmes has transcended this prejudice. Watson consistently paints this as a character defect (“this atrocious sentiment” is how he views the line above). And while Holmes may sometimes give voice to these views, his behaviour towards women doesn’t bear them out: he is not just conventionally polite, gallant even, but is admiring of a number of strong female characters in the stories, most famously Irene Adler (“the woman”) of course. And, finally, like all convincing, well-rounded characters, he needs his imperfections.
The Sign of the Four.
9 – “This agency stands flat-footed upon the ground, and there it must remain. The world is big enough for us. No ghosts need apply.”
Whatever his views on religion, Holmes is above all a rationalist. He might not care that the Earth goes around the Sun (“if we went round the moon it would not make a pennyworth of difference to me or to my work”) but he succeeds on cold, hard evidence. In one of the most emotionally involving of the stories, he brilliantly finds a tragically down-to-earth explanation for a mother’s seemingly sinister behaviour in The Adventure of the Sussex Vampire.
The Adventure of the Sussex Vampire from The Case Book of Sherlock Holmes.
10 – “It may be that you are not yourself luminous, but you are a conductor of light.”
Holmes’ faint praise of Watson’s own deductive abilities is immediately further undercut – “most of your conclusions were erroneous” – but this is a lovely line and a nice illustration of a very special fictional relationship. The set-piece scenes of deduction – in this case examining the stick Dr Mortimer leaves at 221B Baker Street at the outset of The Hound of the Baskervilles – are one of the great pleasures of the stories, and this is one of the best.
The Hound of the Baskervilles.
Ten lines then. There could have been so many more (and there probably will be). These are chosen entirely for personal pleasure, they don’t claim to be a “best of.”
If you’re a Cumberbatch fan and are watching Sherlock this Christmas, do yourself a favour: read some of the stories first and take a listen for some of Doyle’s words brought up to date.
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