Bookshops are often thought of as quiet, thoughtful places where people go to buy, read, and sniff the books. Sometimes it can be tricky to make the bookshop seem like a super-exciting and stimulating place to be, but one branch of Waterstones has been trying to entice people in with their witty rhetoric on Twitter.
Ok, so perhaps the only people impressed with cheeky banter from a retail social media account are possibly just Reading Addicts… And it is a good job you are all here!
Settle down with a cup of tea and these 15 witty, silly, and funny quips from Swansea Waterstones.
Doors closed 2.5 hours ago. We are, as ever, staying late. There have been reports of a thesaurus leak, and we are worried, bothered, concerned, apprehensive, fraught, fretful and nervous about it. You never know when it may strike. Or transpire. Be vigilant. And wary.
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 4 September 2018
That sounds a little challenging. We had an 'Oxford Dictionary of Physics' leak in '97. For days all we could talk about was absolute expansivity and palaeomagnetism. We are still finding the odd quark behind the shelves, too.
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 5 September 2018
Just be thankful it wasn't Black Swan Green. Swans can be pretty vicious when fell upon.
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 7 September 2018
They can be pretty rampant, prevalent and pandemic. This one reminds us of the Great Synonym Surfeit of '83. That was a wordy year.
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 4 September 2018
Doors open in 5 minutes. The thesaurus leak yesterday has resulted in a minor synonym overload, so please be aware that you may notice some abnormal repetition today. You may also experience a bit of unusual reiteration. https://t.co/ZbmJKVLL42
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 5 September 2018
Doors closed 20 minutes ago. We're all staying late, as ever. This time it's for our weekly discussion/argument about whether John Grisham is fiction or crime and whether Ursula Le Guin should be under 'L' or 'G'. We've had the same discussion/argument every week for 20 years now
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 31 August 2018
Doors closed 28 minutes ago.
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 3 September 2018
They used to be automatic.
They used to be systematic.
They used to be hydromatic.
Now they're a bit greasy and need tightening.#GreaseTightening
Doors closed 4 hours ago. What have we been doing for 4 hours, you ask? Oh, you know, this and that, we say. Closing the doors, we say. That took a minute. Checking they were locked. 2 minutes. Then 3 hours 57 writing this tweet. We're sure you'll agree it was worth the wait.
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 2 September 2018
Doors opened 45 minutes ago. There are SO many amazing new books out. There's this one, this one, this one, that one, that one, that one and these ones. We particularly recommend this one. You CAN see the books we're holding, right? That's how Twitter works, right? Right? Good.
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 4 September 2018
Doors open in 50 minutes. Update; it's looking less and less likely that Danny Boyle will be choreographing our door opening ceremony. It was always a bit of a pipe dream. He HAS offered to do the closing ceremony but, let's be honest, they're never quite as good, so we said no.
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 24 August 2018
Doors open in 30 minutes.
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 2 September 2018
Danny Boyle update: we have officially and irreparably parted ways. Creative differences. He wanted to replace the doors with pits and boulders as he's hoping to direct the next Indiana Jones.
The doors are relieved, and the ceremony will remain as is. https://t.co/MJNSVS5iTi
Doors opened 1.75 hours ago. #DoorFact 19. The doors have 8 locks. 7 are the same. 1 is different and needs a separate key. Why? The legend of the One Key is long, complex and very, very boring.
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 31 August 2018
What we can say, though, is that the result is occasionally mildly annoying.
Some of the #SwanseaBloggerCollective demonstrating the classic 'holding books on stairs' pose after today's gathering!
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 2 September 2018
Don't try this at home. Training is required. pic.twitter.com/WpnhDIOoFr
Doors open in an hour. It may be the end of the summer holidays (inset days notwithstanding) but EVERY visit to @swanseastones is a holiday. And you don't even need to book. As it were.
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 3 September 2018
Also; notwithstanding. There's a word you don't see enough of, this tweet notwithstanding.
Doors closed 30 minutes ago.
— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) 28 August 2018
Here's a thing which happened today. A short thread, not book or door related (though book rights are available).
The story involves Twitter Dog. Here he is, feigning apathy. pic.twitter.com/zpN4mMPdYj
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