This Writer’s Life: Book Signings

There comes a time in every author’s life when they are asked to sign their book. For most this is a thrilling moment, something they’ve worked towards for years. I’m sure even William Shakespeare got excited when someone asked him to sign their piece of parchment; not for them but their nephew of course. For me it was a moment of concern (not that it isn’t a thrill for me too. Partly because I rarely get to sign anything without paying out money in some form or another). It is a concern because my signature, for want of a better word or decent thesaurus, is crap. I have used the same signature for most of my life. Trouble is, it looks like it was designed by a six year old using a green crayon, because basically it was.

You see I first used it when I had a post-office savings account. If you don’t know what that is, it’s sort of a bank account for unimaginative relatives to pay money into on birthdays, when they don’t know what present to get. It is to help you in the future; a deposit on a house, help with university costs etc. I cashed mine in early and bought a ten-speed racing bike. I loved that bike. Anyway I digress, my signature is crap. People will look at it and question ‘Really? This guy wrote a book?’ So I have had to redesign it, a few tweaks here and there, all the while trying to stay true to the original (you know stuff like the same name, that green crayon effect).

Guest blogger David Bowen is the author of the Hell on Earth Series of books.

Hell on Earth Review
The Eleventh Plague Review

So now I have a spanking new signature (even my bank manager will be impressed) but how should I sign it. What do I mean? Well I was thinking of ending it with a little flourish, a slight flick of the wrist. The type of autograph you see being signed in films and television shows. It implies confidence and style, it’s what people want to see. Sounds good you might think, but I doubt you have ever had to face a four hour queue of people desperately wanting you to sign a copy of your book for them. Neither have I, but I have practised. Believe me if you thought doing lines in school for ‘talking when you should have been listening’ was hard, it is nothing compared to this. It’s like being in a fifth game tiebreaker with Roger Federer. You don’t want your wrist to go through that extra flicking flourish.

With the flourish dropped it was time to face my next dilemma. What pen to use? At this point you may think I was procrastinating. I wasn’t. It was on my colour co-ordinated list of essential promotion and marketing research. (I should mention that I’d already decided on using black ink. It goes nicely with the black ink design in my books interior). Of course I did consider using a quill, but carrying an ink pot and quill around with you is a bit impractical. I doubt even Shakespeare would bother these days, and boy did he like his quills.

A friend of mine suggested buying a posh pen, you know the type gold plated with a name like ‘The Ambassador.’ His reasoning was that ‘an appearance of success, breeds success,’ (yes he’s a business major). Problem is I’d have to sign a lot of books to justify buying any pen that comes in a box. So I bought a selection of off the shelf pens instead. I finally decided on the Pilot G2 07. Their website describes it as ‘the absolute benchmark gel ink rollerball.’ I must admit it is a masterful example of ergonomic pen design; with a soft rubber grip to ease the pressure on the index finger (calloused finger tips being an occupational hazard for a writer) and a smooth flowing gel ink. It was even sturdy enough to withstand a considerable amount of pressure. This is important for me because I tend to press down really hard. You know that trick they do in thrillers where they rub a pencil on a notepad to see the message that was written on the page above? Well my indentations go six pages deep. Someone once told me I press hard because subconsciously I want my words to be important and have meaning, as if they are set in stone, but I figure indelible ink should do that job for me and I just press down too hard.

So there, my concerns abated. All I need now is for someone to actually ask me to sign my book for them. Anyone?