Most, if not all authors will have received a rejection letter in their time as a writer; it’s almost inevitable that a publisher, agent or magazine editor is going to be less than impressed with the work that has been submitted to them in the hope of a positive response.
Rejection letters are, on the whole a generically mundane mishmash of constructive criticism, apologies, and encouraging platitudes but in the end they all say the same thing; thanks but no thanks.
Hunter S. Thompson however seems to have had a bad day, a very bad day and his rejection of a body of work written by Anthony Burgess (author of A Clockwork Orange) seems to be a little light on the constructive aspects of critique and just a tad heavy on the ‘this is a pile of rubbish’.
The less than encouraging letter begins gently enough (if you’re a masochist that is) with:
Dear Mr Burgess,
Herr Wenner forwarded me your useless letter from Rome to The National Affairs Desk for my examination and/or reply.
Unfortunately we have no International Gibberish Desk or it would have ended up there.
I’m not sure I’d have read any further if I were Anthony Burgess, but if he did and he was hoping for a little constructive criticism of his work he was to be sorely disappointed; Thompson continues with:
“What kind of lame, half-mad bullshit are you trying to sneak over on us? When Rolling Stone asks for ‘a thinkpiece,’ goddamnit, we want a fucking Thinkpiece … and don’t try to weasel out with any of your limey bullshit about a “50,000 word novella about the condition humaine, etc….”
Do you take us for a gang of brainless lizards? Rich hoodlums? Dilettante thugs?“
Ooooh, he’s not a happy boy is he?
Just in case Burgess hasn’t quite got the gist of Thompson’s opinion, he further clarifies:
“You lazy cocksucker. I want that Thinkpiece on my desk by Labor Day. And I want it ready for press. The time has come & gone when cheapjack scum like you can get away with the kind of scams you got rich from in the past.
Get your worthless ass out of the piazza and back to the typewriter. Your type is a dime a dozen round here, Burgess, and I’m fucked if I’m going to stand for it any longer.”
Yes, Mr Thompson is most definitely not impressed with whatever Anthony Burgess saw fit to submit. Mind you, he does attempt to retain a modicum of professional decency with his sign off:
” Sincerely
Hunter S. Thompson”
I wonder if Hunter S. Thompson ever read, or watched A Clockwork Orange? But more than that I wonder if Anthony Burgess ever went back to that office and wafted his publishing deal/cheques/film deal under a hopefully contrite Thompson’s nose?
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